Masks
by phoenixprentiss
Summary: "All she could do was long for it to be over; all while keeping her mask on, the mask that covered and hid who she truly was." JJ isn't happy with Will, and decides to finally do something about it.


**(A/N: I don't own The song "America" by XYLØ or Criminal Minds.**

* * *

 _Real life is make believe_

 _All that glitters isn't gold to me_

 _Save me from everyone_

Will's touch against JJ's skin made her shiver, but not in the way she liked to feel. His hands were too hard, too coarse, unlike the soft, gentle hands of Emily Prentiss that JJ would much rather have running along her skin. She didn't like the idea of sleeping with Will again, though it was inevitable at this point. She wanted it to be Emily laying in bed next her, but she knew it could never happen.

JJ used to find William comforting, and loving. She'd thought she was in love with him. But sex can make you think some crazy things, and now Will thought she enjoyed it, thought she really loved him, even though that was far from the truth.

Before JJ knew it, it was happening, and once again she began to hate herself for giving in. Will was a good man, she didn't doubt that, but she just felt empty when she was with him.

So she disappeared, trying to think of things other than Will, other than Emily. She'd nearly called out Emily's name once before, and was determined not to let that happen again. It couldn't. Will couldn't know how she really felt. She couldn't hurt him.

It was like JJ was in a daze. All she could do was long for it to be over; all while keeping her mask on, the mask that covered and hid who she truly was.

* * *

 _Bite your tongue_

 _Don't say anything_

 _You look perfect in this light to me_

 _Save me from everything_

Emily was just about to settle in to fall asleep when heard a gentle knock on her door and rose to answer it, wondering who could possibly want to see her at half past one in the morning. She opened her door to see a frazzled-looking and exhausted JJ standing in the dim lighting, her arms wrapped tightly around herself.

"JJ," Emily remarked, surprised to see that it was her best friend. "What are you doing here?"

"I've… I need to talk to you." JJ murmured, keeping her head down.

Emily gestured for JJ to come in and as she shut the door she asked, "What do you need, Jayje?"

JJ buried her face in her hands, sitting down on Emily's couch. Emily sat across from her.

"I'm sick of hiding how I feel." JJ's voice sounded pained as well as uncertain as to whether or not she should continue. "I just… I don't like him. Will."

"I know I could just break up with him, but I don't want to hurt him. He thinks I love him back. I care about him, but I'm not in love with him. I don't know if I ever was."

"Oh, Jayje…" Emily whispered, listening intently to JJ. "I'm sorry,"

"I just can't keep going on like this. I can't sleep with him when all along it's not him I want to be sleeping with."

"You're saying there's someone else?" Emily replied, curiosity, and the slightest bit of dread, filling her.

JJ paused. She looked scared, almost, scared of what she was about to say.

"The problem is… I can't be in love with them. It's… it's a woman."

Emily felt her eyebrows rise in surprise, then cocked her head and looked directly at JJ. "There's nothing wrong with that,"

"Loving a woman, or being gay?"

"Both."

"It's just that the small town I grew up in wasn't exactly the most accepting of it. So I had all this pressure on me to _not_ accept who I am and I guess I just grew up like that. I…I'm still having a hard time accepting myself." JJ trailed off, but Emily could tell that she was not finished speaking, and that there was something more on her mind.

"You can tell me anything, JJ."

"It's you," JJ blurted out. "I'm in love with you."

JJ buried her face in her hands once again. Seconds later she felt gentle fingers lift her chin up. Emily was now sitting beside her, her face inches from JJ's own. "It's okay, JJ," Emily whispered so softly that JJ only barely heard.

JJ felt Emily's lips press against her forehead for a few seconds. When Emily drew away, JJ's cheeks burned with embarrassment, and she knew she was cherry red.

"You don't have to do that just to console me, Emily." JJ murmured,

"I'm not." Emily replied, shaking her head.

"You…" JJ began. Emily smiled lightly.

"Oh god, Emily why didn't you tell me?"

The brunette shrugged, taking JJ's hand. "I figured you were content with Will, and that I needed to move on."

"Emily…"

"I love you, JJ,"

Tears glistened in JJ's eyes and Emily couldn't help but give her a tiny smile.

"I hid my feelings from everyone, including myself, for so long, because I thought there was no possible way you felt the same way about me."

"I know I caused you a lot of pain. And I've never been sorrier about anything in my life." Emily answered.

"I… I understand."

"Jayje, does Will know you're here?"

JJ shook her head.

"You should go home, then. If he finds out that you're here…"

"I don't care if he finds out. I don't want to go back to him."

"Jayje…"

"Please, Em, can I at least stay here for tonight?" JJ hated to have to beg, but she did not think she could deal with another night with that man.

Emily sighed and then nodded.

"Thank you," JJ whispered. "Thank you."

* * *

 _Close your eyes_

 _Take it slow_

 _We will find a new place to go_

 _This will all be over soon_

JJ's hands were trembling as she took the soft pajamas from Emily. "JJ, calm down. It's fine, everything's going to be fine. We'll tell Will only when you're ready to, and I'm sure he'll understand. If he really loves you he will."

JJ said nothing and couldn't meet Emily's eyes. She took a step away, and not caring how much Emily saw, changed into the pajamas. Setting her own clothes on Emily's dresser, she sat down on Emily's bed, sighing and looking down.

"Jayje, why were you up this late?"

JJ didn't want to tell her, but knew that Emily would be able to see through any lie she tried to tell. "I… I slept with him." She paused. "And that was when I realized I couldn't let it keep going on any longer."

Emily sat down next to JJ on the bed, turning to look at her. "The longer you wait, the more it will hurt him."

"I know." JJ murmured. "He'll know something's up. When he wakes up and I'm not there, he'll call, and I'll have to tell him the truth."

Emily said nothing, knowing JJ just needed the comfort of her presence at that moment. Her hand smoothed up and down JJ's shoulder, and after a couple of minutes in silence she finally spoke.

"This isn't going to be easy."

"I know."

"But I'll be there for you. Always." Emily pressed a short kiss into JJ's shoulder and got under the covers. JJ slid in next to her, and drifted off into the best slumber she'd had in a while, finally in the comfort of who she truly loved.


End file.
